


Medicine

by robertstanion



Series: Black Friday Fics [8]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Songfic, drunk, sort of smut, this is a weird set of tags my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: The newlyweds John McNamara and Xander Lee are the perfect couple...until it comes to Xander Lee taking his anxiety meds
Relationships: John McNamara/Xander Lee
Series: Black Friday Fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564606
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so basically, this is NSFW, because the scene leading UP to the sex is featured, but not actually when they're fucking so,,,,, yeah but it kind of is and it's confusing for me just as it is for you. apologies. Anyways TW Alcohol and panic attacks  
> -  
> based on the unreleased Harry Styles song "Medicine" and if you know what the song is about,,,,, you'll know the chapter pretty well already

Newly married, and no time for a honeymoon, but John McNamara and Xander Lee were still the same people as they were before they tied the knot. John McNamara still held his head high, arms clasped firmly behind his back, always obsessing over his hair, ensuring his ponytail was the right tightness, ensuring his clothes weren’t sticking to his body. He was also just as commanding, less sympathetic and getting colder, yet all his agents knew it was merely a façade.

Xander Lee was near enough a direct opposite to his husband. He was a bubbly man, always smiling, constantly making his coworkers laugh. He was a delight to have around. He was amazing with the younger agents, who were more than afraid of John, and he was able to calm John down when he got trapped in his own head. He did face with his own anxiety, which usually flared up when John had to either go undercover or on a dangerous mission. He trusted John, and he knew he’d come home, but there was always that risk.

But it was the week after they’d gotten married, and they were more laid back in their work. John was less ‘stone-cold’ and more warmer towards the agents around him, and Xander was his usual self. It wasn’t a bad manner, and everyone seemed to be enjoying it, how their General was actually a softie, but nobody was daring to say that to their face.

No, goodness no, nobody would say it to the General or his husband. Wherever the General went, Xander was close behind. They left them to it. They were both finally happy. That was what the team wanted. Was for John McNamara and Xander to be happy.

And at long last they were. Also, a surprise to many, was how quiet PEIP was that day. It gave Xander Lee the perfect opportunity to slip out of work and into his husband’s office. He walked down the bright corridors, his Nikes squeaking against the floor, as he approached the familiar place. The door was brown and had a black plaque on it with silver lettering on it that read _Gen. J.McNamara._ John was proud of his title, and Xander was proud of him. The narrow slip of glass in the door that allowed others to peer in was covered by a blind. Any other person would take this as a sign that John wasn’t in, but Xander knew better. He tapped thrice and waited for John’s answer. “Yes?!” John asked from inside, and Xander stepped in, closing the door behind him. He looked over to John and smiled. “Lieutenant.” John said, simply, a smile immediately appearing on his face.

“General.” Xander said and walked over to his desk, sliding into the empty chair. He leaned across the desk to peck John’s lips before he took his hands. “It’s a quiet day, so I thought I’d make the most of it and come and see you.” He looked at him. “How are you today? You left for work early.”

John nodded and looked up at him. “I’m alright, dear. And what about you?”

“As good as I’ll ever be.” Xander smiled gently. “Have you taken your meds today?”

“Have you?” John raised an eyebrow, combatting the physicist. Xander rolled his eyes. Though they both loved their jobs, they also saw a lot of things which messed with their mental health. It meant that they both had to take meds regularly to keep themselves stable. They were usually good at getting the other to take theirs, but it wasn’t always that easy. With Xander’s silent response came John’s sigh. He stood up and walked over to a cabinet, Xander spinning around in his chair.

“Where are you going?” He asked, looking over to the blonde, who walked back over with a water bottle, setting it in front of Xander. “John…” He sighed. “I promise, I’m okay.”

“No, dear, you _think_ you’re okay.” He said and sat back down behind his desk, opening a drawer, producing the pills from it. He set them in front of Xander. “Now, I’m here to take _my_ medicine, you need to take yours.”

“Take my medicine? Like I don’t do that every day?” He sighed. “John, can’t I just….skip today?”

“You’ll get kicked in the ass by our therapist if you skip a day. You know that. I’m going to be polite and treat you like one of my agents, therefore meaning I treat you like a gentleman, but if you don’t take those pills right this instance, I’ll have to take extra measure.”

Xander had taken the medication, fumbling with the loose foil between his fingers, before he looked up to him. “What?” He asked, his voice quieter, swallowing, his heart speeding up slightly. John stood up and pulled his chair around so he could sit beside him, taking Xander’s hand. He looked him in the eyes.

“You know I care for all my agents. That also means I make sure they take their meds when needed.” He moved his chair even closer to Xander’s. “I could choose any of my agents to make sure they got their meds today, but I’m choosing you today, honey.” He cupped Xander’s chin and pressed a kiss to his jaw. He let go of Xander’s hand and pressed his own to Xander’s chest, feeling his heart sped up slightly.

“I don’t want to take my meds, John-“

“Adrenaline?” John questioned and looked at Xander. “What’s gotten you all worked up, sweetheart? Would you care to give me that adrenaline? Tell me why you’re so…excited?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, John-“

“I think I’m gonna stick with you instead of checking on the other agents.” He said and kissed just below Xander’s ear before he pulled away. “Now, this is my office, and I’m here to take _my_ medicine and I expect you to-“

“Take my medicine, yes, yes I know.” Xander sighed and watched John move back behind his desk as he let himself calm down, taking another pill out of the foil and balancing it in his hands, letting the small blue medication rest on his fingertips. He could feel John watching him, and he averted his gaze, quickly putting the pill in his mouth and swallowing it. The only problem was how he forgot water, and he had to work twice as hard to get it to stay down. It eventually did and he didn’t look at John. For the second time, John came around from his desk and sat himself on top of Xander, making it hard for Xander not to look at it. John grabbed his face and turned it to look at him. He was being much more gentle.

“You okay?” He asked and Xander took time before he shook his head. “Do you wanna go home?” He asked. “It’s a quiet day. I’ll get Ben to cover for you.”

“I’m okay…”

“Was I too harsh on you?” John asked and looked to his husband.

“N-no, you were okay…you only want what’s best for me.” He said and looked at John. John looked back up and nodded.

“Hey, Zee, I love you.” He said and kissed his forehead. “But you’re shaking. I’ll be home at five. Go home, get changed into your pyjamas and get some rest.”

“John-“

“And that’s an order.” He said and gently kissed him. “You’re going to have a panic attack if you stay here and you know it. I’ll escort you to the car, but I need to stay and train the new recruits.”

Xander nodded as there was a flash of disappointment in his eyes, but went to stand up, John climbing off his lap. He stood up and took John’s hand. John squeezed it to reassure Xander and lead him out of his office, back to his car. He kissed Xander’s cheek once they were there and hugged him gently. “Hey, you, drive safely. Remember to drink _and_ breathe. If you have a panic attack, ring me. You’re my main priority. I’m not staying here knowing your anxiety’s bad.”

“I’ll be alright.” Xander said and placed his hand on John’s shoulder. “You’ll be home at 5?”

“Like I always am.” He said.

Xander nodded. “I’ll see you then.”

“I’ll see you then.” John repeated, stepping inside.

* * *

_Head spinning, heart pounding, a nauseating buzz_

“Not now…” Xander told himself as he clutched the steering wheel. He was two minutes from home. If he went slightly over the speed limit, he’d be home sooner. He hit the gas. It wasn’t working. He seemed to be going slower, though he knew he wasn’t. He pulled up to his and John’s house and parked the car, getting out of it and running to the door, trying to find the right key. He jabbed it in the lock and turned it, praying it worked. He couldn’t breathe, and it was all down to some stupid pill.

Or was it?

He sat on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, placing his head in his hands, tapping his foot on the floor. He could have taken his meds, but John had pushed him to do it. Too far, too soon, too much. John was only trying to help, and he didn’t understand the effects it had on Xander. Too much pressure cause too many anxieties, and here they were. Xander hated panic attacks with every fibre of his being. They made him nauseous, which he hated, and he couldn’t breathe. And this time… _John_ was the reason he was stuck like this. His thoughts were becoming too loud, and Xander had since clasped his hands over his ears, but they were still controlling everything he knew.

He stood up. He stood up and he headed to the kitchen, unlocking the alcohol cabinet. His medication was supposed to stop these thoughts. They usually took half an hour to kick in, and, it was now 35 minutes since he was at PEIP. Xander didn’t really drink; it didn’t help his anxiety, and he’d feel worse in the long term, but he needed to take his mind off of everything.

He grabbed one of the bottles and opened it. He was too distracted to grab a glass, so he drank straight out of the bottle instead. This was usually John’s thing. When they had nights alone, Xander was more professional in his drinking ways, monitoring his drinks by glasses. John didn’t. He took the cap off the bottle and drank. Those nights were the ones where they were the most intimate with each other, but when one of them drank and the other didn’t? That was an entirely different story.

Drunk John was either very angry or very emotional. He never got angry at Xander, but at the world instead. Xander remembered coming home from work and finding John screaming at Xander’s phone he’d left at home. Xander had smiled when he watched John go off on his rant. Then John had turned round and stumbled into his arms. While on the other hand, Xander was very nervous and jittery when he drank alone. He was paranoid.

Tonight, he’d had a few, gotten drunk because of John and now he was wasted. He was consumed with guilt and figured the only reasonable thing to do was to go to bed and sleep it off. He stumbled up the stairs, swaying with every step, and collapsed on the bed. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and fell asleep near enough to instantly. But when he was asleep, it was John he dreamt of.

* * *

It was a couple hours later until John came back. He called for Xander and didn’t get a reply. He sighed and searched the house, starting in the kitchen. The kitchen lead to the backyard, and he came to the conclusion Xander may be spending more time studying some of his plants he was growing. He wasn’t a biologist, but he had made it explicitly clear that he enjoyed plants to John, so John didn’t stop him from pursuing the thing he loved. He noticed the alcohol cabinet wide open and three or four bottles missing. He checked the trash and saw the empty bottles and sighed. He wasn’t dumb. He knew Xander’s anxiety had gotten the best of him. He walked upstairs and into his room, seeing his husband passed out. He sat on his side of the bed and shook him until he stirred awake.

“You’re home…” Xander grumbled, looking at John, his eyes barely open.

“You’re hungover.” He said, massaging Xander’s shoulder. Xander shut his eyes again. “I told you to ring me if you had a panic attack.”

“I didn’t!...thanks to the alcohol.” Xander confessed. John shook his head.

“Dear, alcohol works wonders, but not minutes after you take your anxiety meds. It makes you worse. Even I know that.” He moved to lie beside him. “It’s five o’clock, okay? If you’re up to it, later, I’ll take you out for a meal.”

“Where?” He said, his eyes shooting open. He looked at John before he rubbed his head.

“Your favourite restaurant. Quiet.” John said and let go of Xander, reaching into the cabinet beside them and grabbing another set of meds. “These will help with your headache.”

“I don’t wanna be on any more meds, John.”

“You’ll sober up quick enough.” He said. “Come on. Sit up and lean against me. I’ve got you.” The physicist groaned in protest, but hauled himself up, using John as support. He took the water bottle on his bedside table and swallowed the pills as he looked at his husband. “If you’re going out tonight, I’m going out because I know you’re persuasive. And you hate that restaurant.”

“That’s the hangover talking, honey.” He said and kissed Xander’s forehead, keeping his touch gentle. “At least you got some sleep.”

“Didn’t want you to find me drunk…because you get salty when you find me drunk…”

“No, dear, you get the salt.” John rolled his eyes. “If anything, _you_ get jealous of drunk me.”

“I do not.”

“Zee, honey, don’t lie.” He said and looked at him. “I’m gonna change out of my uniform, and then I’ll help you. Is that okay?”

“No, no, I’ve got it myself.” Xander mumbled and tried to stand up, stumbling again, causing John to run around to the other side of the bed and catch Xander. He looked up to John, the hangover mixing with his feelings. “You get me dizzy, Mr McNamara.”

“Sit down.”

“Oh, you get me dizzy! Maybe you should take care of me.” He smirked and John shook his head, helping Xander to lie back down on the bed.

“You’re hungover. To be… _intimate_ with each other now would be to use you without your consent. I’m denying your request.”

“You’re no fun. La la la la la! I can’t hear you!” Xander said, the mood pretty much changing.

“Well, I can. So I’m going to change in the bathroom while you rest, and then I’m going to help you out of your uniform.” He said and walked over to the closet, grabbing something much more casual.

“John?” Xander asked before John could walk to the bathroom.

“Yes, sweetheart?” John asked, turning around.

“Can we just have a night of drinking today? Don’t wanna go out…” John considered it before he nodded.

“I’ll book the next few days off.”

“Yay!” Xander cheered like a child as John changed.

* * *

John bought up a few bottles with glasses this time, pouring Xander and himself a drink. He sat down on the bed and handed him the glass. “Here. You wanted to drink.”

“Is this gonna fuck with my medication?” Xander asked and looked at John, who shrugged, taking a sip of his own drink.

“If you end up in hospital, we’ll be in there together.” He said as he examined the glass and downed the rest of it’s contents, feeling a tingle running through his blood and his bones filling his entire body. He poured himself another glass, and another, and another, and in under twenty minutes, John was drunk. Xander had gotten drunk quicker due to the remaining alcohol in his stomach from earlier, but they were together, and they knew they were safe. He slammed the glass down and grabbed Xander’s wrist. “I love you.” He slurred. Xander smirked, as far as John could see through his hazy vision, and let himself be pulled on to Xander’s lap. Xander kissed him, and he kissed back, feeling Xander’s hands running under his shirts. They were just messing around, but John knew what it would lead to. “Are you okay with this? You had a rough day and all-“

“I’m okay with it.” Xander mumbled against John’s lips and pulled his shirt off, letting his hands feel every single one of John’s muscles. He felt John move his hands off of him, but he watched John tie his hair up into a ponytail. Afterwards, he pulled himself closer to Xander and cupped his face, kissing him more, and deeper, and Xander placed his hands back on John’s waist. They stayed like that until Xander got bored and pulled off his own shirt, pulling his belt away. He was letting John’s hands roam him. Neither wanted to let the other go, desperate to be around each other. They were careful when removing the bottom half of their clothes before Xander moved on top of John.

“You’re-“

“Yes.” John said as Xander pulled John back into a kiss, holding on to John’s shoulders for support, John wrapping his legs around Xander.

* * *

They didn’t go out that night, but drunk John and Xander could persuade each other to do a simple task easier than sober John and Xander. The two could taste the salt and passion burning off each other in their kisses, and the alcohol made them dizzy, but they’d had a few drinks, gotten drunk on each other, and now they were wasted.

They lay beside each other, Xander pulling the covers over them both as he pulled John close to his chest. “Never ever get drunk after taking your anxiety meds again.”

“Got it.” Xander smiled softly and kissed John’s hair before he closed his eyes and fell asleep, aware of the double hangover they’d both be experiencing tomorrow morning.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry for sinning but i'm also gay and i'm not sorry for sinning for being gay thank u for reading my harry styles fic


End file.
